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14/05/2011 / Pedanto

The Health Ranger comics issue #1601: Enter Pedanto!!!

A douche of heroic proportions


It already seems overdue for me to write a post about Mike Adams a.k.a THE HEALTH RANGER. Unfortunately it’s a near impossible task to cover every base with this guy. At a jaw dropping 1600+ publications there’s no way I can possibly start to address all of his opinions.

So I’ll just attack the man himself in as childish a way as I can.

I’ve got this bio off Mike’s website (, and read in between the lines so you don’t have to (like Mike Adams I like to make your decisions for you):

“Mike Adams is no stranger to traditional Western medicine. The son of a Pfizer contractor and a clinical trial tester for some of America’s biggest pharmaceutical companies(note: Mike hates his father), Mike grew up using prescribed pharmaceuticals, trusting doctors and believing what the FDA reported was safe and in the best interests of the country(Mike now doesn’t….I know it was subtle but that’s what the text was getting at!). All that would change when Mike was faced with his own personal health emergency (dramatic isn’t it?I bet it’s some horrible kind of horrible thing to do with his bum!!), and the pillars of medicine he once trusted came crumbling down before him(Mike is Samson and Hercules combined).

“Mike began his mission as the Health Ranger(what an awesome name, I bet he has some seriously cool superpower )as a response to his own failing health(Oh No! Poor Mike with his awful rectal prolapse). At the age of 30, he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes(WHAT A FUCKING LET DOWN!!! SERIOUSLY WHAT A FUCKING JOKE! I WANTED SOMETHING BOTH SEVERE AND RARE!!), a disease brought on by poor diet and severe lack of exercise(plus a family history of the disease). As a high-powered (he already had superpowers?!) software executive, extreme levels of stress and cholesterol, depression and chronic back pain were common features of Mike’s past.(Wow this guy must look really weird, all contorted with a horrible kyphoscoliotic spine, and mottled with awful stigmata of massively high cholesterol)

Mike Adams in his pre-Health Ranger years

“Searching for answers to his health woes, Mike dove into research; he devoured thousands (seriously…THOUSANDS?!? I have to give the guy some credit for that really) of books on nutrition, pharmaceutical drugs, wellness programs (Can anyone tell me if wellness is even a word. It looks like a word, it sounds like a word, I just can’t find a meaning for it apart from “a sure indicator of bullshit”), the politics of food – anything he could find(Terry Pratchett:”The problem with an open mind is people insist on putting things into it” – in this case someone has poured feculence into this man’s head).

“Mike has now made it his life mission to share the most remarkable discovery he made on his quest: the vast majority of all diseases can be easily prevented and even cured(managed) without drugs or surgery(with diet alone….now how does one treat type 2 diabetes before going on to drugs…..I wonder…..).

“And (Don’t start a sentence with “and” – it looks like a child wrote it Mike!) that’s exactly what Mike did. He cured (managed with diet) himself of diabetes in a matter of months and transformed himself into the picture of perfect health in mind, body and spirit (apart from being a hateful shyster who wants to treat swine flu with vitamin D)”

Now that we’ve all learned a bit about Mike – let’s hear from the man himself:

I’d recommend going to that actual youtube page for that as the second comment down invokes the illuminati. Always a sign of a rational base of support there!

Now for a very quick run through of some of Mike’s advice. I’m cherry picking the best bits to pull apart here because he does have a lot of advice to give

  1. “Drink lots of water, it’s mother nature’s most versatile medicine” – yes it heals you if you have dehydration. Also this chap is quite a bit promoter of homeopathy, so I suppose he means it’s nature’s most versatile medicine due to the fact that most water, having passed through the kidneys of 30 or so people by the time it gets to your lips, has the memory of hundreds of millions of potential symptom causing toxins. Therefore all water cures all disease.
  2. “Buy locally grown, organic goods, preferably in season, as often as you can”- got to agree with him here. Mainly to support local buisness, not due to any related health benefits, of which there are none(1)
  3. “Nutritional supplements: whole food supplements, organic vitamins, Standard Process tablets, Alive! supplements, vitamin C” – now for a guy who’s all against prescription drugs, can someone tell me why he wants to buy these? Surely it’s Big Pharma’s stoner brother who produces these.
  4. “Enjoy one hour of full exposure to intense natural sunlight on a near-daily basis with no sunscreen (important for vibrational nutrition and essential for mental health, bone density, vitamin D production, etc.)” – If you want skin cancer – end of!
  5. “Take absolutely no prescription drugs or pharmaceuticals whatsoever” – This includes if you have cancer, type 1 diabetes, asthma , severe heart disease and crippling rheumatoid arthritis.
  6. “No visits to M.D.s or western medical doctors (visit naturopathic physicians only)” – Please refer to my previous comment

The great thing about Mike Adams is that he’s an absolute king of rhetoric. For example the 6 points above come directly from his advice page on his website. They are all pretty unreasonable I hope you’ll agree (if you don’t go and read some form of science book and develop those critical faculties), however they’re preceded and followed by perfectly reasonable suggestions such as “Do plenty of cardio” and “no fad diets” – which makes the more suggestible amongst us feel that he’s only being reasonable, as the most memorable pieces of advice (i.e. those at the beginning and end) are fair.

Now if you’ve had a peruse through Mike’s website you might have noticed a lot of pictures involving macho posturing, and being a bit oiled up. So the guy has a few wacky ill informed ideas and a slightly narcissistic personality disorder, but surely he’s not fully mentally ill. Please read the following articles to refute the last sentence.

So if you did your homework there, and like me were scribbling down all the possible psychiatric symptoms you could see you hopefully have hit on a list similar to mine

  • Delusions of grandeur
  • Persecution delusions
  • Distorted perceptions
  • A quite severe learning difficulty. In fact I have to feeling that although Mike Adams can write (A LOT), he sadly cannot read.
  • Mania
  • Panic disorder
So to sum up in a single phrase – fucking batshit mental. What kind of guy responds to the 1023 campaign ( by suggesting that people drink a gallon of chemotherapy. One who quite obviously doesn’t see the link between a mode of action and side effects.
Now I can’t really go much further into a critique of Mike Adam’s and all that he stands for, as I have other things to do with my life, and if I wanted a comprehensive slap down of the man I’d probably have to take a sabbatical to do write the 78 volumes required.
Now in my usual sign off here’s something funny, with a nod to Mike Adams’  view of the future:
If you liked this you’ll probably like:
P.S. As a follow up to my blog about Dr Ray Sahelian last week. I have attempted to contact Dr Ray through several different channels, but have received no reply. Furthermore on his Facebook page (the only public forum I can find him associated with) my comments were deleted before I was blocked (and they were actually really reasonable, I didn’t use naughty words or anything!!). So if you’re reading this and have a free couple of minutes, please find and like Dr. Ray Sahelian on Facebook, and send him a link to my blog. It’s probably being dealt with by a spam filter now, but feel free to email him as well.

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